My past two months have been a complete change in my life. I've re-met this person, someone I had always underestimated in a sort of way. He was always attractive to me, but I never gave him any kind of look, or attention or anything that would actually allow him to make any moves towards me. We had always seen each other everywhere, but we weren't friends. He had me on his msn and all, but everytime he tried to talk to me I'd act like I didn't know who it was so that he wouldn't be buggin me. This year, I opened my heart to the world, made a pact with myself that I would be different, I would be a better person. So when I saw him, I saw something else. From the start I knew he had someone else, serious relationship but distance. I'm no one to judge, but I've been into long-distance relationships and I know it doesn't work in 90% of the cases, it didn't in mine. We started talking, started realizing we have much in common, much more than we ever imagined... he took me out a few times, as friends, and we didn't hook up. Not until I acutally invited him to go to the movies, I mean, I had been getting more interested in him with the time, because he was completely different from any guy I've ever gone out with. At the same time he didn't show me physical interest, he'd do my wants, respect me to the top and look at me in a very very misterious way. At the movies we had a blast, and after a funny episode he kissed me. The best kiss I had ever had in my life. It was on... ever since that day my heart speeds everytime I think, talk or see him. What I feel for him is bigger than anything else I've felt before, great tendency for love... but he already belongs to someone else. We broke up a month ago, and ever since I've been feeling incomplete. I'm recovering. We saw each other a few times after, and it's so hard to see each other and not touch, or kiss. IT's so hard. Now I think distance is the best remedy for us, even tho I still am suffering a lot. I miss everything about him, every and each lil thing. We had to break up though, we just had to... I feel so incomplete. I want him to be happy with his girl, if that's really what he wants for him, but I miss him. His feelings for me seemed to be mutuous to mine, you know? But I'm not him, I'm no one to say. I know about what I feel, what I want and how much growth he has made me do so quickly. It's amazing, I never thought a man could bring out that much from me. I've changed remarkably in 2 months, in a whole lot of senses. It felt like he knew how to bring the best out of me. I just wish it had been different. I miss him so much. I don't regret anything, but I'm not sure if I would do it again if I knew it'd end this way...I feel like I've been waiting so long for something like this, and then it's just not meant to be, you know? It's tiring. I have no hard feelings towards him, or his girl.. I actually purely wish that him, her and everybody around him can reach the maximum of happiness, because he is so special, he is a real man. Now, what about me? Is that really what I get for opening my heart? I know, I lacked on principles, I shouldn't have messed with a man that already has someone, but it never felt wrong... and I miss him so much. I feel so incomplete... it's like I found what had been missing, and then had it taken from me... it's like I lived my whole life with a missing piece, not really knowing about it, after I found it I just don't feel that is normal to leave without it anymore, get it? I'm not sad. I'm okay, but I miss him so much, so so much. Everynight I pray to God for this feeling to go away. I know I'm beautiful, I'm smart... I know of all my qualities, and I know there must be someone who would appreciatte me for who I am, but will my turn ever get here? I'm tired. I have my heart opened, but this seriously makes it hard to leave it open. I'm trying to be positive and grown about it. As much as I want to hear him, I just don't call, or go after him at all but it's hard. I seriously wanted him to come back to me, but that's my secret wish. If he felt the way I do, he would do something about it. And until now, he hasn't... so that says something about him.
I miss him so so so much, wonder if he misses me too.
I just want my happy ending... that's all.
Can I please get my happy ending? My beaten, broken and destroyed heart will say thanks.
