If I'm mad?

If I'm mad? After all you've done to me, that's all you want to know? *laughs* Seriously now, stop being a nigga. Do you not realize how many tears I've shed because of you? How much effort I put into getting us together? It's okay, I'm not charging you anything, I'm just saying that I did all I could to make things right, to be with you. Seriously, just walk out of my life. I don't want anything from you, I don't want you nor to be with you. If you only knew how much pain you made me feel, how did you dare to show up with some other girl in front of me? You think I'd do that to you, no I wouldn't. Telling me that we were something beyond, that what you felt for me threatened your relationship, telling me that what we had was way too strong to be lived the way it was being... man, no. Please, just get out of my life. Don't talk to me when you see me, don't look into my eyes, don't let my name slip out of your mouth, don't think of me, don't call me, don't see me. Maybe to you it was just an adventure, but for me this was the first time I actually really liked someone, so it's taking me a while to get over but once I do, honey, you are so gone. Right now all I can do is live my life, do different things and not think of you or all the good things we've done together. What makes you think you have the right to grab me by the arm, and talk to me? DON'T talk. There's nothing to be talked about. What? You expected me to say "yes, I'm mad at you", for what? Start a scene? Honey, I'm not the scene kind of girl, after all is already said and done, there's nothing else to it. You probably have no idea of how much pain I still feel when I see you, or when I think of you, or when I listen to the songs we used to listen together. It makes me believe you are selfish, or just straight up cold, also that you really know how to lie. It's not the fact that you didn't want me, I mean sure, rejection does hurt, however it's the fact that you've lied to me, the fact that your words do not match your actions, you know? It's okay though, time heals everything and that's what makes me feel better. But you just don't kno man, you really don't know. It's sad for me because I've given the very best of me as I hadn't to anyone else, I've been the most truthful I could, and still seems not to have been enough... it hurts to remember you've been in my life for years, insisting to be around me and I never cared, when I finally gave you a chance you do this to me, why would you? I mean seriously, why did you even enter my life if you were going to eff everything up? That's what makes me more mad, the fact that I had ignored you all my life, and then I simply let you enter my life for no reason. I swear it felt real to me, it felt real as it had never before... so, you wanna know if I'm mad? Hell yea nigga, I'm mad. Not at you though, you're no one to make me mad. I'm mad at myself, mad at the fact I let you enter my life after years, mad at the fact that I let myself get trapped into your lies and words...mad at the fact I actually feel something for you, mad at the fact you are just like the rest while I believed you weren't... so yes, I'm mad, extremely mad. Please let me let you go and please just go, you've ruined enough of my days already and I can't be living in anger because of some bitch ass nigga like you. [Excuse my language, but I'm mad] I can't be losing my voice, I can't be getting sick cuz of you. You ain't worth it, and now I'm aware of it. So please, keep away. Go away. I'm cool without you, I don't want you anymore. All I want is to not want or remember you ever existed in my life. By the way, I take back saying your girlfriend was lucky, I am lucky ~ Lucky I don't have to deal with anyone like you, lucky I don't have deal with your lies, lucky God took me out of your path before you stepped over me. So please roll, I ain't got no more time for you.

If I'm mad? I am, but not at you, because you're no one to make me mad. So whenever you see me, don't waste your time to say anything because I ain't gonna be listening.

Gii ~