No Longer

I saw him. He saw me. After several months our eyes met again, but this time things between us were different.

That same man that was able to cause an eruption in my soul, that same man that made me go lower I had ever been, that same man that could make me breathless with a touch, that same man that had meant the world to me one day... no longer did.

Nothing. That's exactly what I felt when I looked into his eyes. No, I didn't get mad, in fact no anger at all came to me. I didn't feel sad nor did I feel pain. I didn't feel anything. I smiled. That was how my being could respond with, at that instant. No, I haven't forgotten all he's done to me, however, at that same time it didn't really matter anymore. It wasn't important. He meant nothing. It was like looking at a stranger, seeing someone random. No longer I tried to understand why, how or what... it didn't matter. He looked beautiful, but no longer attracted me, his perfume continued to smell good, however it no longer hypnotized me.

There wasn't any conflict. I didn't feel like hitting him, didn't feel like saying some ish to his face, didn't feel mad...neither did I miss his kiss, nor wish him back... didn't mean to talk to him, didn't mind his presence, didn't mind walking by him, didn't care if he was with someone else, didn't feel like feeling him... no, I no longer cared at all about him. I didn't watch him to see if he'd look at me, didn't expect him to say anything, didn't carry any grudge, didn't feel scared, didn't feel lost... I just no longer felt anything.

However, my mind for a second wondered: How could a person that once was able to hurt me so much, be able to look me in the eye? How could a person actually act normal and natural afterall? Then, it occurred to me I was probably not the first one he hurt. And before he left I was able to realize he wasn't alone, and that surely I wouldn't be the last one. It no longer matters though.

I don't wish him bad ~I just no longer wish him at all, and I'm thankful for that.

May life keep going, may my smile keep shinning...

G. A.